Ok We haven’t put up a Christmas tree.  This is the first Christmas ever with no tree.  We are profoundly sad that Sydney is not here.  /he has always been here to decorate the tree.  Ben is in prison and I have to say I am totally sad.  I try to cover it up but when I am home alone I don’t have to fake it.  I love going to church but it is just so hard to hear the songs,I can hardly hold it together.  Then tomorrow afternoon Sue invited me to go to the church choir program and I said I would go but I am dreading it.  Surely I can get through this.  I want to enjoy it but it’s so hard.  Then spending Christmas Eve is something I would just as soon skip.  Please Lord help me to get through tomorrow…then Christmas Eve.  randy has to work Christmas Day so I don’t have to deal with it.  Ben is not moving towards the Lord…I continue to pray for him to decide to give his life to Him.