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well, one more day and then it is time to say good bye and send Sydney back home. Our visit was great and we had a lot of good times.we went to the beach twice with Sarah and brenden and aiden and to Silverwood. Then we took Sydney to River Bend for three days and she played in the river floating on the rapids. I got chances to talk to her about Jesus but she does not want to make a decision to follow Him. I can’t force it, just pray. She did not see her dad while she was here either. He does not know she was here. It is heart breaking . I don’t really know what Sydney is thinking regarding her daddy. I have to step aside and trust the Lord. I can’t fix this mess. Please Lord remind me to trust You.

 

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we have had my grand daughter visiting for the last two weeks.  We have enjoyed playing countless games and just spending time with her.  Tomorrow is the last day til summer….she flies out at 6am Saturday for home.  I have talked to her about Jesus but she doesn’t seem receptive.  I gave her a Bible….and will continue to pray.  We love her so much!  The time is going so fast..she is 11and a half.   We wish she lived closer….but that doesn’t seem to be the Lords plan.

Tonight as we sit here watching the numbers we are appalled that Trump could possibly win.  It makes me incredibly sad and what else can I say?

Ok We haven’t put up a Christmas tree.  This is the first Christmas ever with no tree.  We are profoundly sad that Sydney is not here.  /he has always been here to decorate the tree.  Ben is in prison and I have to say I am totally sad.  I try to cover it up but when I am home alone I don’t have to fake it.  I love going to church but it is just so hard to hear the songs,I can hardly hold it together.  Then tomorrow afternoon Sue invited me to go to the church choir program and I said I would go but I am dreading it.  Surely I can get through this.  I want to enjoy it but it’s so hard.  Then spending Christmas Eve is something I would just as soon skip.  Please Lord help me to get through tomorrow…then Christmas Eve.  randy has to work Christmas Day so I don’t have to deal with it.  Ben is not moving towards the Lord…I continue to pray for him to decide to give his life to Him.

As I write this I have to tell you visiting my son in jail is something I never thought would be a possibility for me.  getting the first phone call from Ben from jail was so hard .  I remember praying and begging God to somehow get ahold of Ben.  he has been on the wrong path for a long time. Then I got the call and on May 25 he had been arrested.  I have been Africa of this and other things happening….the last time I saw Ben that day at the convenience store I was so upset and scared of what I was seeing and how bad off he was.m So the call from Ben from jail I felt really was an answer to prayer.  But that didn’t make it any easier.  The first time I went to visit I had to go alone.  I was very anxious and scared. I didn’t know what to expect.  Randy had to work so I went by myself.  I checked in NAND had to wait for an hour and was close to tears just waiting.  When I saw him it was behind glass….I cried I couldn’t help it.  We both did.  He was grateful to see me…..he was off drugs and it made a big difference.  He has said he has been praying and that he met a black man who helped him see the need to pray for Gods help for his anxiety and all of that.  God is on control of this….I get scared when I think of how he will be when he gets out….but God is in control and I will chose to trust Him. And be thankful for His dealing with Ben.

The police were at Lisa’s house again.  more threats…there is a warrant and Ben is running???not just from the law but from God too.  I keep praying and wonder why he continues on his path and nothing changes.  I am afraid of what is going to happen.  I choose to trust god..when I am afraid I will trust in You.

As life goes on The Lord brought proverbs 3:5&6 to my mind repeatedly.  Sydney is still not attending school…people are praying….but the circumstances seem to remain unchanged.  We get a bit of encouragement that mom is on board…then the whole thing falls apart again.  So I continue to trust…..I have been thinking on this word to figure out what it really means to trust God.  It was the message this morning that gave me some insight…Peter was questioning Jesus about somebody else’s life and Jesus said to him..follow me and what is it to you to be concerned about somebody else…follow Me.  There is pain in our lives….it helps shape who we are….?Jesus experienced pain…three times He asked the Father if there wasn’t some other way to avoid the cross…..but He did what the Father asked of Him.  I want to be an example of a follower of Jesus in this situation….how does that look?  Could a God be using this situation to teach me to lean on a Him instead of endlessly trying to figure out some way to fix it myself?  That thought just came to my mind as I was writing this……