So two days from now I will be officially retired.  I feel at peace with the decision….but saying goodbye has never been easy for me.  I will miss the people…we’ll some of them, but am ready to stay home.  I want to use my time wisely.  The job has become increasingly stressful and I find I don’t handle it as well as I used to.  I am hoping to spend more time with Sydney . It is a big change and I am grateful.  I will be able to take care of our house and be with my husband and this is something I have always wanted.

So Randy and I had talked vat how if my job got to the point where I feel I can’t do it anymore..I could quit. the time has come so last week I gave notice.  So I only have. Five more days and I am officially retired.  I feel at peace about it…I like being able to have time to do the thongs at home that need to be done.  it hasn’t been the same since Debbie left and I had to work with those jerks so not anymore after next week!

I write this with hesitation…..I have been taking I would like to renew my vows with Randy with the kids when we go on the family cruise. it makes me sad that Ben would not be there too. My dream is that we all get to go and have a great time all together as a big family.

Ininvited him to our Thanksgiving dinner……he said no. Sydney wants to come so I am thankful for that.

I miss mother more at this time of the year…..I need to keep focused on the celebration and what to is all about.

We are still tryng to find a church to attend…..please god help is to find the right one.

feeling at an all time low. trying to keep it hidden. I am dangerously near tears all the time. The night is escape time. Pam called me today and reminded me of Gods love and his control and my need to trust. I got another text from Ben threatening my relationship with Sydney. It makes me so sad and I am getting tired out by this. I just feel like it is hopeless. Please god help me to focus on You.

I am incredibly depressed. Ben called me last night to set me straight regarding Sydney and school. I have talked to all the School professionals..there is nothing else I can do. It is in the Lords hands. I think Lisa is lying to me??I don’t think Sydney is going to school. It is so frustrating…..I cannot say what I think to Ben….I give up.

the good news..answer to prayer….Sydney is going to school. she rode the bus by herself on Friday! She desperately needs a friend. That is our prayer….I know God knows what she needs more than we do. many people who love her are praying to this end. Another thing th at I am incredibly depressed about???Debbie and I aren’t going to work together anymore. I am pretty sure she is going to give her notice. They have put me working with mark and Mel. I am so depressed about it . I hate going in there anymore and literally are counting the days til I don’t have to anymore. 15 months. Surely I can suck it up and just go to work……I know it is stupid to be depressed about this but I can’t deny the feeling. the high point is we have the family cruise in Jan. 2016 to look forward to!

We are so relieved that we got good news about Randy, Thankyou God. Now another worry revisited. Sydney. things have changed drastically. She won’t come over to our house or go anywhere with me. I am thinking Ben and Lisa have been telling her something to make her not want to spend time with me. She gets real quiet and won’t look at me…just acts odd. She will let me hug her and leans onto me when I put my arm around her but I sense hesitation. Like she wants to say something and she doesn’t feel free to say it. I was over there yesterday and Ben was saying to Lisa out in the kitchen how I was making Sydney feel uncomfortable by asking her to go someplace with me…..blah blah blah. I was praying while doing stuff around he house and heard God say…I know better than you….trust me with Sydney. Please God help her to feel your love and our love and help her not to forget the Bible stories that we have read over and over together.